sleeping to dream.

A few months ago, I started having terrible, horrifying, nightmares every single time i fell asleep. Absolutely disgusting but realistic things would go through my mind every time I shut my eyes. It was horrendous, and I thought I would never be able to sleep normally ever again. Then, I made a new friend. 

I honestly think, that spending five nights at my new friend's house, made the nightmares go away. The first night, I didn't sleep at all. I remember so vividly tossing and turning, laying in the closet, then sneaking and reading the collection of Emily Dickinson by the light of my phone until eventually someone else woke up, allowing me to stop pretending to sleep.

The second night, I watched the break up twice in a row. Then we put in crash, and I fell asleep about halfway through. I had terrible nightmares of car crashes, and woke up quite freaked out, confused by my surroundings, right next to my friend, who I know i freaked out when she opened her eyes, and i was staring blankly at her. I would have been freaked out too, but I couldn't explain myself, after all there were other people there, and I wasn't really sure if anyone could understand.

I spent the next few weekends somewhere away from where I had spent my last few months. I wasn't home, I was with people I truly enjoyed, people I finally felt connected with, people I could relate to, and felt happy with no matter what I was doing. I wasn't exactly running away from the shadows chasing me, but just sort of turning the lights off and finding some place where I was so distracted with my newfound happiness I didn't think about what was bothering me. 

I guess running from your problems is never the answer, but taking a break might truly be the key. I found my best friends and spent countless hours every weekend doing simple things that i really enjoyed. Sadly some of that has disappeared, my fault mainly, but I feel I have grown so much from those weekends that it doesn't matter. Running isn't the answer, but escaping for a while to reevaluate, or simply distract, could completely eliminate whatever you might be trying not to face.